As a mom of three active girls, a wife, and a business owner, finding time for me to decompress, recharge, and rest can be a challenge. Just like you, I scroll Facebook and see article over and over about how important “self-care” is. We all know this, innately, to be true. I don’t know a single mom out there that would say that she doesn’t need more self-care. As moms, spouses, sisters, daughters, co-workers, and friends, we have the tendency to put everyone else’s needs ahead of ours. Its in our nature to be the nurturer, the caregiver, and do it humbly without asking for help.
In one of those articles recently, it was found that the average mom puts in about 98 hours of work per week, and gets roughly just about an hour to herself each day. We all know that there are days when we WISH we had a full hour to ourselves, but this hour is likely not consecutive time, but rather chunks of minutes here and there through the day wherever we can find it. And because we are constantly pushing hard to meet everyone else’s needs and settling for the crumbs of 5 minutes here, a solo trip to the bathroom there, and praying that we can rush through the shower without having to referee a sibling quarrel, its leaving us feeling exhausted and empty.
As I have personally gone through the journey of figuring out what self care looks like to me, I’ve followed many people on social media that support moms and encourage finding ways to fill up our empty cup. 
My professional mentor recently posted a quote that completely resonated with me – it states “If you struggle with self care, its time to re-examine your boundaries, and your self worth for self care.” Woah…
Often times, when we struggle with our self care its because of these two factors.
- Our Boundaries
- Our Self Worth
When we can’t or feel uncomfortable saying “no”, we start to over load our lives with obligations and tasks that may not serve our purpose as women and parents. We’ve allowed the lines to be blurred with it comes to our boundaries. “Sure, I’ll be homeroom mom”, “Of course I will chair the fundraising committee” “No problem! I’ll coordinate the carpool schedule” “Yes, I will head this big project at work”…pretty soon, we have nothing left to give.
I encourage you to sit down and asses where and who you are allotting your time and energy, and ONLY say yes to the things that truly serve your family, and your passions. Addition by subtraction – eliminate the things that do not bring you joy (yes, Marie Kondo your life!!), and you will find you add so much more!
Maybe its not the overextended schedule, or the saying yes all the time that wears you down, but the feeling that you aren’t worth taking time. This is something I see commonly with new moms.
G U I L T!!!
What an ugly word and feeling! And we’ve all been there. When we think about stepping away from our kids, our spouse, our work to recharge, we can be met with push back, maybe from friends and family who question why you need a break (“Enjoy this time, it goes by so quickly!!”), but more often than not, from our own internal dialogue. Feeling SELFISH for wanting and needing a break.
But friends, SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH!
YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN 60 MINUTES A DAY!
Self care can mean so many different things to so many different people. My sister tells me she feels so much better when she keeps her toes nicely pedicured. Myself and Mandi both find regular exercise helps to fill our cups. Many families in our practice find their adjustment times to be part of regular self care, not just for the moms, but the kids too! Maybe for you it’s the Starbucks drink every afternoon, or saving up for that designer purse you’ve been eying. But maybe its also finding time in quiet solitude, to pray or meditate, to connect with a friend over coffee, or to simply just take a much needed break from the constant merry go round of daily life. Self care takes support from your parenting partner, family and friends. Its OK to ask for help!
Remember, just like putting your own oxygen mask on first on an airplane, taking time to ensure that your mental and physical health are a priority will ensure that those around you get the best you.
I would love to hear how you fit self care into your life! Leave a comment below!